A yelp out to my Florida friends

Nothing much new today. Went fishing with my dad, caught a few fish, only one worth keeping. He caught the rest. I have sunburn on my knees and farmer-tan style burn. I started getting the sunburn chills. The rest of today's post came from a forwarded email, but I thought it was appropriate. Enjoy!
Living in Florida
We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season.Any day now, you're going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some radar blob out in theAtlantic Ocean and making two basic meteorologicalpoints.
(1) There is no need to panic.
(2) We could all be killed.
Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be inFlorida. If you're new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one." Based on our experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan:
STEP 1: Buy enough food and bottled water to last yourfamily for at least three days.
STEP 2: Put these supplies into your car.
STEP 3: Drive to Nebraska and remain there untilHalloween. Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in Florida.We'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:
HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE:
If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance.Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get,as long as your home meets two basic requirements:
(1) It is reasonably well-built, and
(2) It is located in Nebraska.Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida, or any other area that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance business in the first place. So you'll have to scrounge around for an insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop you like used dental floss. Since Hurricane George, I have had an estimated 27 different home-insurance companies. This week, I'm covered by the Bob and BigStan Insurance Company, under a policy which states that, in addition to my premium, Bob and Big Stan are entitled, on demand, to my kidneys.
SHUTTERS:Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all the doors, and -- if it's a major hurricane -- all the toilets. There are several types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages:
Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them yourself, they're cheap.The disadvantage is that, because you make them yourself, they will fall off.
Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well, once you get them all up.The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December.
Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will have to sell your house to pay for them. Hurricane-proof windows: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so. He lives in Nebraska.
Hurricane Proofing your property:
As the hurricane approaches, check your yard for movable objects likebarbecue grills, planters, patio furniture, visiting relatives, etc...You should, as a precaution, throw these items into your swimming pool (if you don't have a swimming pool, you should have one built immediately). Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly missiles.
EVACUATION ROUTE:
If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your driver'slicense; if it says "Florida," you live in a low-lying area). The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along withtwo hundred thousand other evacuees. So, as a bonus,you will not be lonely.
HURRICANE SUPPLIES:
If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them now! Florida tradition requires that you wait until the last possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM. In addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies:
23 flashlights. At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the power goes off, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.
Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the bleach is for, but it'straditional, so GET some!)
55 gallon drum of underarm deodorant.
A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This willbe useless in a hurricane, but it looks cool.)
A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask anybody who went through Andrew; after the hurricane, there WILL be irate alligators.)
$35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.
Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickersstand right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for everybody to stayaway from the ocean.Good luck, and remember: Its great living in Paradise

Funny things we do out of desperation

I was late paying our newspaper bill. I was just going to cancel it, but my Unemployment came through. So with the bill I wrote them a note, "Sorry this is late. I lost my job and haven't been able to pay this until now because I just received my Unemployment check with your second late notice. I'm enclosing a copy of my resume. Perhaps there's a job there I might be qualified for? I thought it would be worth a shot asking. Thanks, Jen".
They called today to schedule an interview! Crazy, just crazy is all I could think.

Might as well buy stock in OPEC right now

Lots of driving ahead. Lots. Dog needs to be taken for surgery in Grand Rapids. Larry the Cable Guy at the Allegan County Fair the week after that. AND... I qualified to take the Civil Service Administrative Support Exam. So I scheduled that. Nearest place to take the test is in Lansing. Just one word right now: AAAAGGGHHH. That is all.

It's okay, we didn't need to eat anyway...

I took the dog to the vet yesterday because he's been limping really bad for the last couple weeks, and it was pretty obvious he's not getting any better. So naturally the dog was really tense and the doctor couldn't examine him. So I had to bring him in this morning after a night of fasting so he could get some nitrous and they could have their way with him. While he was out they x-rayed his hip, cleaned his teeth, cut his nails, and lasered off this funky growth he had coming out from under one of his front nails. That growth was removed a few years ago, and it grew back in the same spot, only bigger. So this time I had it biopsied in while I'll have the results in a few days. Ends up the reason the dog is limping so bad is that he got a ruptured ligament in his knee. A dog's knee is kind of like what would be our groin area, the "leg-pit" so to speak. So the dog has to have surgery at an orthopedic surgeon in either Grand Rapids or East Lansing. I'm most likely going to the Grand Rapids one since it's closer. The vet-tech said it was so funny when he was coming out of his anethesia, he was kind of chattering. Like he was speaking in tongues! She said it was so funny seeing him like that. He's usually so petrified and he bites everyone who tries to pick him up or handle him. When my mom and I went to pick him up, the doctor talked with us about everything and then he went to get the dog. My mom heard a commotion and told me I better get in there, that she heard Sharkie squealing and he's going to bite the vet. I said I didn't hear anything and I stayed in the room. The vet finally came in, with the dog and a bloody hand.

It's like Christmas and my birthday rolled into one!

Like clockwork, the week after the fair is the unofficial beginning of fall for me. It always cools down this time of year. I love sleeping with the windows open, and its nice and cool and I can wear jeans. I like shorts, don't get me wrong, but I like jeans better. And sweatshirts. And bonfires! Someone was teasing me burning a good smelling fire all day. It was nice until they threw their garbage in it. Pretty soon is Oktoberfest and Halloween parties. I can't wait.

I'm hungry

Darnit Karry! After watching Burger King Christmas song, that's all I want to eat now. Whoppers and fries. Now we have a few dollars, I just want to eat out for lunch every day and go shopping and riding around.
Must. Control. The. Urge.

One Collective Sigh of Relief

I received all of my unemployment checks that I've been supposed to get since the first week of July. Did you hear the screams of joy? We can assume they did their investigation, and they found I was fired for something I couldnt help or wrongfully fired. In any case, I'm still without a job. In the box on all applications, "reason for leaving"? End of assignment, baby.
End. Of. Assignment.
That's the beauty of being through an agency.



Karry! I would love to come and work with you. You said your office is mostly men? We would be so dangerous, back to our old jokes. "Hey Karry! I BROKE THE CRAPPER!".

Happy Vacation to me

Today is the beginning of my so-called authorized vacation I put in for before I got fired. I already started it by freaking out over health insurance. They sent me my money back I've been sending them to continue coverage. After several phonecalls, found out it was their mistake and I have to send them the money back. sigh. What keeps coming to mind is some inspirational workplace poster or saying, something about it's hard to fly with eagles when you are working with turkeys. Or my case, buzzards. Anyway I'm going to spend my vacation like I originally planned: Going to the fair, washing walls, and if time, washing carpets.
I'm just bursting here with excitement.
Today is the first day of the fair and we usually like to go on the first night because the grounds aren't all run-down and the displays are nice and fresh yet. Most important, the animals aren't pissed off. They usually start looking a little haggard by Saturday.

Amish Acres Craft Fair

Mom and I went to Nappanee to the big craft fair. Saw the plant where they make FexEx delivery trucks in Wakarusa on the way. Only saw one horse and buggy. It was overcast and ended up being very hot. We thought the overnight rain would cool things off, make it all a bit damp. Wrong. It was pretty brutal. Anyway I'm more used to art fairs where people know where the hell they are going and get the hell out of everyone's way. My way. Well, this was not an art fair, it was a craft fair. Very good crafts, very skilled and high quality. But the difference is that it's usually ladies who don't know where they hell they are going, stop right in front of me, and just freaking stand there while the rest their party bumble along aimlessly. I was just there five minutes and I knew it was going to be a long day. I could feel the part in my hair start to sear. Mom kept up pretty good, and we watched each other to make sure the heat didn't get to us. We pretty much cruised through and got the heck out of there. Too bad too, there was so much nice stuff, but it was just too hot. I like the Chapel Hill Craft Show at the fairgrounds. It's nice and cool by then, and it's proximity to Christmas is a lot more enjoyable. You don't mind trying on fleece hats in October. Anyway, I think the lamest thing I saw at Amish Acres today was personalized bulletin boards - ceiling tiles with kid's names painted on it. There was also a lot of yard and pool signs with Jimmy Buffett sayings. I swear if I see another "It's five-o-clock somewhere" sign, I'm going to cry.

Here's a recent pic from the egg farm. The perfect lawn ornament, other than the poo. 

it's a good day...for laundry

Today we are finally getting a day-long gentle rain that everything outside so desperately needed. I think it's too late for the corn, but the grapes can always use it. The weather finally cooled down, but with the rain it feels swampy in the house. I don't want to shut the windows and turn on the air because I waited all winter to have the windows open.
I've been watching a lot of news, mostly too see weather updates. I've never noticed before, but the FOX station has real quirky music going to commercial. Yesterday they played part of Black Sabbath's The Wizard, then later Bjork's Army of Me. They always just play the parts with no vocals. Black Sabbath really blew me away. Maybe next they'll play some Motorhead?
I was taking the laundry down to the basement when I saw Stubby in the bird feeder. Stubby is a squirrel that has only an inch of his tail. Kinda looks like a fat-butt woodchuck in the yard, except when he jumps into the tree. Funny stuff. Husband always names the animals that grace our yard.
As you can tell, not much going on here! Next up on the agenda is vacuuming the swamp-house.
Later this week is a big craft fair in Amish country, I'll be spending some quality time with Mom. I'll write about that and we'll see what tools Jebediah did and did not use. There's a photographer that will be displaying his stuff there that I saw in Ann Arbor. In Ann Arbor he had a metal frame in pieces on a table, and when I was looking at his work, I knocked the frame off the table and it made a big racket. I'll ask him is he got any frames I can bang around at the Amish craft fair.
Diabetic chihuahua is limping pretty bad today. He had kneecaps that slid in and out of place as a pup, and now he has hip trouble. His vision is real bad too. Now he can't see in daylight either. A couple days ago his face was swollen, only on one side. He didn't eat anything out of the ordinary, so I think he got stung. I gave him some of his prescription that the vet said we can keep on hand for situations like that, and he acted very groggy for the rest of the day. As much hell as he gives the cat, there's an understanding there. When the dog isn't right, the cat will check on him, actually walking along side of him and getting in front of him and staring straight in the face, then goes on his way. It's like "you alright, man?". Otherwise the dog will chase him and end of story.

Seek the oracle...

Back in the day when I had employment, one of the things I did for entertainment was drive to South Bend and go to Barnes and Noble, and buy a small pile of books. A couple full priced ones and the rest were usually bargain books. Anyway a book I bought a long time ago was about oracles, signs all around us. You gotta have an open mind and optimistic heart to see these things. This book been sitting on my shelf since I bought it, and I thought what a good time to read this. I like to read before I got to bed, and since I don't have to get up for anything the next day, I read until I can't keep my eyes open. So today I realized we are out of coffee, and I didn't have any money laying around, so I went into the garage and got enough beer cans to pay for coffee that's on sale at the closest store that I usually don't shop at. I took them to the store, and just as I finished up putting the cans in the machine to get my bottle slip, a guy I worked with was coming through the check-out. I told him I got fired and what happened that led up to my firing. He saw first hand what was going on at work, who was there, who wasn't, who was there when they should be. I told him about the unemployment situation, and he offered to testify should it come down to that. I didn't ask, he offered! He even offered to be a job reference if I needed! How cool is that?! Just when I started to feel really down about this whole thing, an oracle came forward to let me know I'm not the person at fault in this. There really are decent people out there who see things in this world of buzzards.

today's deadline

Today is the deadline for the teacher's aide position. I didn't find out until I turned it in that it was for the Agri/science department. Science, I was good in. Until chemistry. I asked to drop out mid-year in high-school because I did so poorly. Just mention chemistry and my hackles go up! Plus the ad said they wanted the person to be a 'certified' paraprofessional. I'm not certified in anything. I put in my application at the school district office to be safe.
Not a heckuva lot going on here. This past weekend was Glad/Peach fest. We didn't go. It usually includes:
Wifebeaters wearing wifebeaters yelling at their kids.
Men yelling at their wives/girlfriends.
Women yelling at their men.
Kids yelling at the women.
Not a complete set of teeth among them.
And that's just my husband's extended family!